People are very generous with items they don’t want.
Last year’s fashions, chaise lounges with pee stains from cats, dogs and family members, food with just a titch of mold.
“You can hardly tell” is the donators’ mantra.
Sometimes I fantasize about chiseling on their tombstone, “Here lies __. You can hardly tell”.
When my mother is at the grocery store, she looks for fruit on sale. Food she doesn’t want to eat. Like raspberries. “The seeds get stuck in my teeth but, I hear they are good for you. I don’t really like them. But they were on sale. 3 for $5. Here this one is for you.”
I get the one with the mold.
“The nice lady at the vitamin store gave me these sesame crackers/ envelope of protein powder/ bag of special calming tea.”
Fill in the blank.
In other words, whatever the owner had boxed up to discard with other past expiry date items.
“I don’t like sesame. It gets in my teeth. I don’t like whey powder, it gives me gas. I don’t need or drink calming tea….. You take it.”
Which I do.
I accept graciously.
Then, I dispose of the item in the bottom of my garbage. Hidden from prying eyes.
At least, I used to do this, until the other day. Enough was enough. So, I took aim and let loose with, “No thank you.” Shocked, she slapped the palm of her hand to her chest. “No?! Why not? I thought you liked sesame/ powdered whey/ expired tea leaves. You always took this before. Alright fine. I’ll know for next time.”
She scooped up her rejected frankincense and myrrh. Then, left them on the corner of her desk. Just around the corner from me. Taunting me every time I walked by.
That’s the problem with accepting these cast-offs, disguised as generous gifts. Once you accept one, you are on the hook for future “spring cleaning” rejects. Some of them are not so easy to hide in the bottom of a Glad garbage bag.
Take my friend.
She is the perpetual winner in the lottery of family hand me downs.
Oh sure. They are nice items. Or they were nice, when they were new. 90 years ago. Her mother’s mink jacket with matching tam. A well worn settee with a large chintz design. Laura Ashley circa 1970. Matching draperies. Lucite nesting tables with “just a few scratches”. My friend has become the caretaker for the family exoskeletons.
Items shed during times of marital rifts.
She was expected to accept these gifts with suitable enthusiasm.
After all. Who wouldn’t want it?
So, now she is stuck.
She gets the cast offs.
She gets to deal with the cost of transportation to her place.
She gets to cram it in and find out that it will not fit. Not in the elevator. Not in her studio apartment. She gets the pay the superintendent to remove it from the premises.
She is pigeonholed as the “poor, needy” relative.
I can’t tell my chum to follow my example. She would have to endure her family’s puzzled and concerned retorts. “Oh you don’t need it? You ….DON’T NEED IT?! Ok. Ok. I was only trying to help. I guess you don’t need my help anymore. “
This is a veiled threat.
Meaning, if you don’t accept the role of family dump site, then I won’t invite you to Christmas in Palm Springs.
Or any other gathering.
Which would be a shame.
I hear they will be catering the meal.
Without my chum’s presence, who will take the leftovers? Who will appreciate their generosity?
You know what the Buddhists say about ending suffering and finding peace?
“To achieve peace, do not envy others. Do not overrate what you have received.”
I must be very evolved.
I don’t overrate what has been donated to me.
But, if I am not totally enlightened and I don’t reach Nirvana in this incarnation…
When I am reborn, I hope it will be as a sentient being who is almost like new. Slightly used. You can hardly tell.